With-ness

He shared with me a place of brokenness in his life, a realization of a habit He desired to leave behind which was hindering his capacity to love others well. It was an awakening, and he was inviting me to journey with him by offering this to me. His family had journeyed closely with ours for many years and he was like a brother to me.

“I used to struggle with that, too,” I replied. 

A week later, a similar interaction occurred between us. He gently shared the impact of my response.

“When you respond that your struggle is in the past and conquered, I feel inferior to you and don’t feel like you’re with me.” I felt the exposure throughout my body. How could I be with him if I was declaring I’m ahead of him? God had been shining a light on this shadow in my soul in several ways and my posturing had hurt someone I cared for. It might have been true that it was an issue of the past, but what was also true was that something in me took pride in my grand self-awareness and how I’d fought the battle before him, and that I wanted to let him know all of that.

Hello to the ways of the ego.

THE INVITATION OF VULNERABILITY

I’d been learning about incarnational relationships, in which God designed us to reflect His Immanuel with-ness in our relationships with others. Richard Rohr wrote, “On some level, love can only happen between equals, and vulnerability levels the playing field. What Christians believe is that God somehow became our equal when he became the human "Jesus," a name that is, without doubt, the vulnerable name for God.”

My attempt at vulnerability—I struggled with that but conquered it—left my friend in my dust. He invited me to stand with him in solidarity and support him as he fought to grow into the lover God created Him to be. And I shared my triumphant victory in response. Not so with him. The grace is that he kept loving me and shared my impact on him, extending the invitation to stand beside him once again. 

This was a memorable stone in paving the path toward walking beside others when part of me felt pride in being ahead of others on the long road of transformation. I found myself more in awe of Jesus, “who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage.” I also found myself standing in solidarity with John and James, who had the nerve to ask Jesus if they could sit at his right and left when Jesus began to rule His kingdom. 

Hello to the truths about us that sting.

I wonder if you might explore your ways of relating which place you ahead or behind others—preventing with-ness in your relationships.